Dear Gala Guru,
I am a grandmother of six, and every year for Christmas, I send each grandchild a card for Christmas along with a check for $100. I have been doing this for 15 years now. In the beginning, I would get a sweet thank you note. But the notes have dwindled as they have aged and moved away from home. I no longer get a thank you note or even a phone call. I know they have received the check because the bank statement shows it has been cashed. My feelings are hurt. I want to stay in touch with my grandchildren and have a relationship with them, but I feel they are no longer grateful for the gift. Should I stop the checks? Am I wrong to feel this way? What should I do?
Lonely Grandmother
Dear Lonely Grandma,
No, you are not wrong. Your feelings of hurt are entirely valid. Like checks themselves, the vanishing of written thank-you notes seems to be a thing of the past. Many young people today are likelier to tap a heart emoji than lick a stamp. We live in a fast-paced world, and we are all busy. That being said, none of us should ever be so busy that we cannot stop to make a phone call, write a note, or even text a quick message expressing our gratitude for the thoughtful gift. I see a couple of options for you.
Going cold turkey on the checks could create more distance, so you could transform this into an opportunity for connection? Perhaps include a handwritten note with each check saying something like, “This $100 is for you to treat yourself, but what would really make my day is hearing how you spent it!” Sometimes our grandkids need a gentle reminder that there’s a warm heart behind that signature on the check.
You could even get a bit playful with it: “In my day, we had to walk uphill both ways to the mailbox to send a thank-you note… but these days, I hear there’s this magical thing called texting!” A dash of humor can go a long way in bridging the generational gap.
Remember, they’re probably not being intentionally ungrateful – they’ve most likely just fallen into the modern trap of taking certain traditions for granted. Rather than withdrawing the gift (which might feel like punishment), consider this an opportunity to open a dialogue about staying connected in ways that work for both generations.
After all, the real currency here isn’t the $100 – it’s the love and connection you’re trying to maintain with your grandchildren.
Remember, there’s always a reason to celebrate!
The Gala Guru
www.thegalaguru.net
Need to ask an event planning question? Have a story to share or want to book Donna for a speaking event?
